Let's keep it sunny, people.

I usually complain about the radio

But it was pretty damn good for the last hour….. then it’s back to wack

Why is this happening?

Too many bad thoughts racing through my mind.

Thank God for my cousin Paul Madrid, or I’d probably do the deed right now.

I don’t normally have suicidal thoughts

and I know I shouldn’t for something as small as this,

but they pop up every now and then.

Life’s in the shitter right now haha..

READ IT OUT AND TELL ME I’M WRONG STILL

I’M NOT ATTACKING I’M ADDRESSING….. in a very angry manner.

I really thought I was to blame. But I sat back and noticed. I ALREADY TRIED NIGGA. you want me to grovel!? Idk how everyfuckinone else got involved, I apologized to the niggas who I wrongfully stated as shady but somehow everyone fucking hates me! EVERYONE is exaggerating but when homies that live across the damn street from you don’t hit you up anymore, what else am I supposed to think?

I thought maybe I bitched about it too much, or I shouldn’t feel left out or lonely,

ITS FUCKING HUMAN NATURE TO FEEL LONELY

PROBLEM

After Highschool there’s only a handful of people you’re going to still be close to.

After I graduated, I hung out with one particular group from when I graduated. TILL NOW. 

So what happens when you get stuck at home when they’re all out? RESENTMENT

OF COURSE

Thoughts will pop up; This guy lives across the street from me, how was he able to go but I wasn’t.

You invite me on a roadtrip with 2 other good homies. Get me excited, next day they’re gone.

I ask you for help. You didn’t get back. I ask our homie Gibbs, he said he got me, but when I got to Gibbs house, YOU WERE THERE WILLING TO HELP HIM WITH THE SAME DAMN SHIT I NEEDED HELP WITH

OK so I didn’t address these right away, and honestly, did I have to? Doesn’t the sound of these fucking events just scream shady you wouldn’t have listened! I tried to talk to you, all you said was 

“really now?”

“yolo!” 

no reply

So excuse me when I think that you don’t give a shit oh and  ALL OUTSIDE PARTIES, I DON’T GIVE A FLYING SHIT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING NEGATIVE OR EVEN USELESS INPUT AND OPINIONS YOU AREN’T EVEN PART OF IT LEAVE IT LIKE THAT.

I straight up said, that if you had a problem with me I thought you’d say something to me, I apologized for the small outbreak I had at tuesday whathefuckever it was.

AND I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE DEALER PROBLEM IN THE SAME DAMN TEXT

ANDDDDDD I told you that I felt like shit cause of these events. 

So what, you don’t reply, and I have to keep apologizing after I brought up all the reasons why I called you shady in the first place. I bitch too much? Thats a lot of shit to bitch about nigga!

Now, Me in lonely muthafucka status, seeing some of my closest friends turning into strangers and homies saying they don’t give a fuck? I remember when one of us had a problem, WE’D ASK IF THEY WERE OK, 

like friend’s are supposed to. Not shut them down, or acted as if their problems didn’t matter, we treated them like fam and if they were hurt, we were hurt. 

I’M NOT ATTACKING I’M ADDRESSING.

And of course, anger is coming into play. CAUSE READ THIS SHIT (no one wont) 

BUT READ THIS SHIT, PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES, AND TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T BE PISSED.

The love I have for this nigga is beyond my comprehension,

He can hate me, talk all the shit about me, and get everyone to hate my guts

but I can’t ever find myself to be able to say that I hate him. Never, hell no.

Fuck people

You do a couple good favors,

introduce them to a couple of friends

they stab you in the fucking back and only remember you for the bad things, and not all the good shit you’ve given to their fucking life.

to whom it may concern,

                            Fuck all you, ungrateful, close minded, narcissistic, lying people out there.

WOW

I’m going crazy here! 

I remember the break up clearly, I remember every fucking weekend I spent with you and the hassle I would go through just to go there and see you, Why was I such a dumbass? we had a lot in common, but I lied to you, got tired of you and had a short temper towards the end of our relationship… 

There were many times where I was good to you, and you honestly deserved that, and I should have treated you like that forever, This is all coming to me five years after the relationship just because I saw you for a couple minutes. 

I hate who I was back then, I always tell my bestfriend about how I would woop my ass if I could go back in time. I remember going back to you myspace and seeing all the same shit you wrote about me for some other guy…ouch

your favorite color, baby blue, and movie series, the pirates of the carribean, You got me into stupid asian dramas with The Devil Beside You, you watched anime’s. Spoke tagalog fluently, cursed like a sailor, and didn’t give a flying shit what people thought about you. AND you had the most beautiful singing voice I’ve ever heard in my life.

If you’re reading this, which you probably aren’t. I’d like to apologize, because even if we didn’t end up together I know we could have probably ended up being really good friends right now. I can say that I’ve changed, and I totally hate the old me.. You never deserved any of the shit I gave you, and I know that my words mean absolutely nothing to you but my hope is just to be heard out by the girl who knew me more than anyone else in this world. and maybe… restart.